How long does marriage last?  As I was going through other blogs I came across this story that was re-posted by this blogger as well.  It is a sweet story that I think that you will thoroughly enjoy.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

With a deep sense my heart to Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost  of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:6

PS. THIS IS A REPOST AND IS NOT MY PERSONAL WORK.

So if this were a sign it would say, “Missing, my libido, I have no libido, what do I do?”  Reward, happiness!!

So let’s talk about the hushed issue that effects so many women and yet nobody wants to talk about it.  It’s a scary revolution that most people are too embarrassed to talk about.  So why is this?  Why is it that behind closed doors we are struggling with the desire to have sex after having a child, and feeling ashamed.  Why are we scared to talk about what is wrong with us?  Wouldn’t the commentary and awareness bring out answers?  Wouldn’t speaking out loud about this topic, help for  the positive.

Since having my daughter approximately four and a half years ago, I have had ABSOLUTELY no desire to have sex.  (Mind you I do have sex, because it’s not just about me right.)

I was reading this article called, “Do People Actually Have Sex After Babies,”  where they too were looking for answers, with quite similar questions as mine.  In this article they were saying that every woman is different, but that it is completely normal to ob-stain from having sexual intercourse because it just doesn’t feel right. 

There are other women on the other hand that are comfortable with their body as well as having the infamous libido, that goes missing for others.  The post was saying that the doctor saying that the 6-8 week wait was completely normal but that it was also normal for a woman to feel scared and at arms length to procreate again.  I mean this is a very scary thought if your hormones aren’t helping you take over.  We just went through a very traumatizing ordeal.  Look at the pain a man goes through when he is passing a stone, well hello, we just passed a watermelon, and most of us are sleep deprived.  I feel like we are treated like we are meant to be an on and off switch.

Now I am a proud mother of breastfeeding.  I breastfeed my beautiful daughter until she was two.  It was not a full time thing at the age of two, just a routine thing when her and I went to bed.  I was still producing a lot of milk and not only was it a release, it was also that emotional communication of love that we had for one another before going to sleep.  So it was harder on me then her when I finally stopped breastfeeding. 

For me because I breastfed, I feel like I don’t ever need to have sex again and be okay that decision.  Doctors say that this is normal. “There is some evidence that the hormones released during lactation can suppress other hormones in the body, and for some women can result in a lowered libido”. And we’re not just talking about less desire — many breastfeeding moms complain of vaginal dryness and pain with intercourse. Plus, breastfeeding or not, dealing with an infant is exhausting and often stressful, knocking sex down a few rungs on the priority list.

I work in a facility that there are a lot of women and there is no subject that is off limits to us.  Some women say that sex is just not even a thought after they have a child, sex in their mind seems uncomfortable, gross (that any man would actually want to be there after seeing a child come out of the same zone), and time consuming.

Conversations are had, about if it is going to hurt, will it ever feel the same again, can we be stimulated, and will we have enough lubrication to last a session.  Some women are ready 6 weeks in and others aren’t even seeing it in the future 6 months in.

So in the end it all comes down to you and your body, every woman is different. 

In some cases after exiting the hospital we usually have a prescription for birth control from our doctor, and though that is well and all, that too doesn’t increase desire for sexual intercourse, in fact birth control usually decreases desire.  All you really do is see your doctor and talk to the professional about it.  Blood work can be done and hopefully you and your partner can come up with some kind of compromise.  I hope you can find your libido!!

Do you have a story similar to mine?  Are you missing your libido?  Are you scared to have sex after your child birth?  How long did you wait?  Share your story, we all have a story and together we can bring awareness to this untold subject about, “Missing, My Libido, What Do I Do?”

When reading the article, “Do People Actually Have Sex After Babies,” there was this one comment made by this man.  Take a look at what he wrote and give me your feed-back and opinion to his statement.  Enjoy! *I roll my eyes.*

Speaking as the Husband I can say that many, many women totally underestimate the importance of physical intimacy in a relationship.  I ‘went at her pace’ after our first child was born which meant nearly a year, then six months for the second and the waiting killed my sexual interest in her.

I no longer see my wife as a sexual being.

At this point in her life she gets her intimacy from the children & I am expected to wait forever.  Sex & intimacy is as much of a biological need for mental health as food is for physical health.  Do I want to go through the hassle of a mistress or set aside money for the eventual divorce? No. Am I because I have given up waiting and have talked with my wife till I was blue in the face?  Yes.

So there you have it, if sex is too much of a burden for the wife, fidelity is too much of a burden for the husband.

Doubtful Dave

I am magnificent in human form.

 

 

“The Secret,” The  law of attraction, what is the law of attraction?  It manifest what you want, past, present and future.  Your thoughts are at your fingertip.

When you’re complaining about how bad it is, it only gets worse.  You have to focus on what you want.  Your passions, events and circumstances. 

Our thoughts cause our feelings, if we can take control of our emotions and bad vibes, then we will be able to feel good.  Your thoughts and feelings control your life.  We can shift our universe with our thoughts.  The good attracts us to good thoughts, a healthy emotional state.  Our power is through us, through the law of attraction.

 

“Follow your bliss and he universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” 

Joseph Campbell

 

What do you want?  Happiness, divine happiness.  Inner happiness is the fuel of success.  Then you need to….

Believe.  Believe in the unknown, believe that you will receive what you what.  You will attract the wants.

Receive.  Accept the feelings of wanting it.  Through your positive vibes you will receive. 

Gratitude.  What am I thankful for?  What are you thankful for?

Visualization, materializes your wants.  Take the time to see.  Close your eyes and visualize what you want.

 

“When you have inspired thoughts you need to trust them and act on them.” 

 

Your happiness lies within you.   Your thoughts and feelings create your life.  You will attract everything in life you want.  

 Energy Flows Where Attention Goes.

 

“Take the first step in faith, you don’t need to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” 

Martin Luther King

 

To change our current circumstance we need to change our law of attraction.  Expect something better.  If you keep thing that you want in the future it is always going to stay in the future.  It will not be obtainable,  because you have not allowed it to be in the now, it’s stuck in your future.  You need to feel the now.  You have to invision having it in the present.   

When we are complaining about things we are just making it worse because all we are going to receive, is more things to complain about.  We need to start thinking posistive and strive for our goals, and make our goals reality.

 

 Do you have goals in your life?  Do know how to reach the laws of attraction?  Do you believe in the secret?