Missing ~ My Libido, I Have No Libido, What Do I Do?
So if this were a sign it would say, “Missing, my libido, I have no libido, what do I do?” Reward, happiness!!
So let’s talk about the hushed issue that effects so many women and yet nobody wants to talk about it. It’s a scary revolution that most people are too embarrassed to talk about. So why is this? Why is it that behind closed doors we are struggling with the desire to have sex after having a child, and feeling ashamed. Why are we scared to talk about what is wrong with us? Wouldn’t the commentary and awareness bring out answers? Wouldn’t speaking out loud about this topic, help for the positive.
Since having my daughter approximately four and a half years ago, I have had ABSOLUTELY no desire to have sex. (Mind you I do have sex, because it’s not just about me right.)
I was reading this article called, “Do People Actually Have Sex After Babies,” where they too were looking for answers, with quite similar questions as mine. In this article they were saying that every woman is different, but that it is completely normal to ob-stain from having sexual intercourse because it just doesn’t feel right.
There are other women on the other hand that are comfortable with their body as well as having the infamous libido, that goes missing for others. The post was saying that the doctor saying that the 6-8 week wait was completely normal but that it was also normal for a woman to feel scared and at arms length to procreate again. I mean this is a very scary thought if your hormones aren’t helping you take over. We just went through a very traumatizing ordeal. Look at the pain a man goes through when he is passing a stone, well hello, we just passed a watermelon, and most of us are sleep deprived. I feel like we are treated like we are meant to be an on and off switch.
Now I am a proud mother of breastfeeding. I breastfeed my beautiful daughter until she was two. It was not a full time thing at the age of two, just a routine thing when her and I went to bed. I was still producing a lot of milk and not only was it a release, it was also that emotional communication of love that we had for one another before going to sleep. So it was harder on me then her when I finally stopped breastfeeding.
For me because I breastfed, I feel like I don’t ever need to have sex again and be okay that decision. Doctors say that this is normal. “There is some evidence that the hormones released during lactation can suppress other hormones in the body, and for some women can result in a lowered libido”. And we’re not just talking about less desire — many breastfeeding moms complain of vaginal dryness and pain with intercourse. Plus, breastfeeding or not, dealing with an infant is exhausting and often stressful, knocking sex down a few rungs on the priority list.
I work in a facility that there are a lot of women and there is no subject that is off limits to us. Some women say that sex is just not even a thought after they have a child, sex in their mind seems uncomfortable, gross (that any man would actually want to be there after seeing a child come out of the same zone), and time consuming.
Conversations are had, about if it is going to hurt, will it ever feel the same again, can we be stimulated, and will we have enough lubrication to last a session. Some women are ready 6 weeks in and others aren’t even seeing it in the future 6 months in.
So in the end it all comes down to you and your body, every woman is different.
In some cases after exiting the hospital we usually have a prescription for birth control from our doctor, and though that is well and all, that too doesn’t increase desire for sexual intercourse, in fact birth control usually decreases desire. All you really do is see your doctor and talk to the professional about it. Blood work can be done and hopefully you and your partner can come up with some kind of compromise. I hope you can find your libido!!
Do you have a story similar to mine? Are you missing your libido? Are you scared to have sex after your child birth? How long did you wait? Share your story, we all have a story and together we can bring awareness to this untold subject about, “Missing, My Libido, What Do I Do?”
When reading the article, “Do People Actually Have Sex After Babies,” there was this one comment made by this man. Take a look at what he wrote and give me your feed-back and opinion to his statement. Enjoy! *I roll my eyes.*
Speaking as the Husband I can say that many, many women totally underestimate the importance of physical intimacy in a relationship. I ‘went at her pace’ after our first child was born which meant nearly a year, then six months for the second and the waiting killed my sexual interest in her.
I no longer see my wife as a sexual being.
At this point in her life she gets her intimacy from the children & I am expected to wait forever. Sex & intimacy is as much of a biological need for mental health as food is for physical health. Do I want to go through the hassle of a mistress or set aside money for the eventual divorce? No. Am I because I have given up waiting and have talked with my wife till I was blue in the face? Yes.
So there you have it, if sex is too much of a burden for the wife, fidelity is too much of a burden for the husband.
Doubtful Dave
Doubtful Dave is in a very angry place right now. I’m sure that’s not helping his wife’s sexual desire.
I wonder if “commentator Kim” is right about the acupuncturist. I’ve had a non existent libido since my last child 14 months ago. My husband has overall been great about it but he does every once in a while make a comment that’s filled with some hurt emotions. I think he takes it as though I’m no longer interested in him which I try to explain it’s not that at all.
1Lynn,
I think a lack of libido is often a sign of imbalance, illness or disease in the body. I have never had children, so I personally don’t know what physicially and emotionally happens after having a child. I do know that my once crazy libido has dissappeared and the only thing I can tie it to is when I went on synthroid for my Thyroid. It’s sadly never been the same since. I started doing Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) to treat Infertility and low and behold my libido is coming back. And that is not even what I went in for! So my point being, that I think there’s underlying causes and imbalances in the body that drive libido away. Anyone who is ok with not having sex with their husband and accepts no libido as normal should be questioning and trying to figure out what the root cause of the issue is. We are humans who should naturally want sex.
I have to feel for Dave and agree with him that we as wives better make better efforts to please our husbands. Just like our other desires need to be fufilled, such as hunger or sleep or rest or exercise, so do our sexual desires. I am not by any means saying it’s ok to cheat or divorce is the answer, but I think a spouse who is dealing with a low or no libido owes it to their wife/husband to try and find a resolution for the issue. Nobody should have to have sex if they are not in the mood. But nobody should never be in the mood, there is a problem if thats the case. If you went to an acupuncturist and told them about your non-existent sex drive along with any other ailiments you might have, rest assurred they would be able to fix it. Mine did and I didnt even have to ask!
2Doubtful Dave …. maybe you are not doing something right, make her feel like a woman like you probably did in the beginning. If my Man was more romantic (and by romantic I mean showing some kind of affection) Gosh, I’m sure she can probably use some help around the house. That’s a sexual stimulator right there. Women seem to have taken on too much responsibility always making sure everyone is happy except themselves. If you cheat it will destroy your wife and your realationship will never bounce back from that trust. You have no idea how you would hurt her, so if that is where your head is at just leave so she can have a real life and a happy one. Maybe your pressure and moods are the reason she is down and not into sex. I am done making sure everyone is happy… It is time to take care of my daughter and myself and everyone else can get to the back of the line…. you can only give a person your love and your all if that person gives it to you too !!!
3very good, you almost had me feeling sorry for you..
why wait, if you are so convinced a divorce is looming, do it now. Think of your wife and your children it will be better for everyone. Much better now than the constant sulking and don’t forget all the drama, hurt and pain your deceitfulness will bring . Just think, you could move on to having sex with a woman who has nothing in her life and devote all of her focus on you ..just pleasing her man! how ideal is that!! You get what you are longing for and your wife and kids will move on and find themselves a man/father who will love them through anything!
if you havent figured it out –I feel sorry for your wife!
4Doubtful Dave… You are obviously not a woman who has had a baby! If you were, you would not be so insensitive to all the changes that goes on inside a woman, both physically and emotionally, when she has a child!!
The fact that sex is a burden to a mother is understandable; for a while, it’s another chore to do (what’s sexy about that??!!). Being supportive, affectionnate, sensitive (and faithful!) will speed the process along. My husband is very supportive, helps out a lot around the house (to minimize my overtiredness), helps as much as he can with the older child, and is patient, cuddly & affectionnate; this is helping me over the sex-less bump in the road.
You should try supporting your wife instead of supporting a mistress. That way, you’ll see your kids every day instead of every other weekend!
(I’m not in your house so I can only give my ‘outsider’s’ opinion.)
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