So if this were a sign it would say, “Missing, my libido, I have no libido, what do I do?”  Reward, happiness!!

So let’s talk about the hushed issue that effects so many women and yet nobody wants to talk about it.  It’s a scary revolution that most people are too embarrassed to talk about.  So why is this?  Why is it that behind closed doors we are struggling with the desire to have sex after having a child, and feeling ashamed.  Why are we scared to talk about what is wrong with us?  Wouldn’t the commentary and awareness bring out answers?  Wouldn’t speaking out loud about this topic, help for  the positive.

Since having my daughter approximately four and a half years ago, I have had ABSOLUTELY no desire to have sex.  (Mind you I do have sex, because it’s not just about me right.)

I was reading this article called, “Do People Actually Have Sex After Babies,”  where they too were looking for answers, with quite similar questions as mine.  In this article they were saying that every woman is different, but that it is completely normal to ob-stain from having sexual intercourse because it just doesn’t feel right. 

There are other women on the other hand that are comfortable with their body as well as having the infamous libido, that goes missing for others.  The post was saying that the doctor saying that the 6-8 week wait was completely normal but that it was also normal for a woman to feel scared and at arms length to procreate again.  I mean this is a very scary thought if your hormones aren’t helping you take over.  We just went through a very traumatizing ordeal.  Look at the pain a man goes through when he is passing a stone, well hello, we just passed a watermelon, and most of us are sleep deprived.  I feel like we are treated like we are meant to be an on and off switch.

Now I am a proud mother of breastfeeding.  I breastfeed my beautiful daughter until she was two.  It was not a full time thing at the age of two, just a routine thing when her and I went to bed.  I was still producing a lot of milk and not only was it a release, it was also that emotional communication of love that we had for one another before going to sleep.  So it was harder on me then her when I finally stopped breastfeeding. 

For me because I breastfed, I feel like I don’t ever need to have sex again and be okay that decision.  Doctors say that this is normal. “There is some evidence that the hormones released during lactation can suppress other hormones in the body, and for some women can result in a lowered libido”. And we’re not just talking about less desire — many breastfeeding moms complain of vaginal dryness and pain with intercourse. Plus, breastfeeding or not, dealing with an infant is exhausting and often stressful, knocking sex down a few rungs on the priority list.

I work in a facility that there are a lot of women and there is no subject that is off limits to us.  Some women say that sex is just not even a thought after they have a child, sex in their mind seems uncomfortable, gross (that any man would actually want to be there after seeing a child come out of the same zone), and time consuming.

Conversations are had, about if it is going to hurt, will it ever feel the same again, can we be stimulated, and will we have enough lubrication to last a session.  Some women are ready 6 weeks in and others aren’t even seeing it in the future 6 months in.

So in the end it all comes down to you and your body, every woman is different. 

In some cases after exiting the hospital we usually have a prescription for birth control from our doctor, and though that is well and all, that too doesn’t increase desire for sexual intercourse, in fact birth control usually decreases desire.  All you really do is see your doctor and talk to the professional about it.  Blood work can be done and hopefully you and your partner can come up with some kind of compromise.  I hope you can find your libido!!

Do you have a story similar to mine?  Are you missing your libido?  Are you scared to have sex after your child birth?  How long did you wait?  Share your story, we all have a story and together we can bring awareness to this untold subject about, “Missing, My Libido, What Do I Do?”

When reading the article, “Do People Actually Have Sex After Babies,” there was this one comment made by this man.  Take a look at what he wrote and give me your feed-back and opinion to his statement.  Enjoy! *I roll my eyes.*

Speaking as the Husband I can say that many, many women totally underestimate the importance of physical intimacy in a relationship.  I ‘went at her pace’ after our first child was born which meant nearly a year, then six months for the second and the waiting killed my sexual interest in her.

I no longer see my wife as a sexual being.

At this point in her life she gets her intimacy from the children & I am expected to wait forever.  Sex & intimacy is as much of a biological need for mental health as food is for physical health.  Do I want to go through the hassle of a mistress or set aside money for the eventual divorce? No. Am I because I have given up waiting and have talked with my wife till I was blue in the face?  Yes.

So there you have it, if sex is too much of a burden for the wife, fidelity is too much of a burden for the husband.

Doubtful Dave